What do I do About My Crippling Fears

I get lots of emails and some of them strike a cord deeply in my heart. This one did:

Hi Bob,  I am a 56 yo woman and will be living in my car soon.  I’m scared to death.  I have a Toyota and I believe all my things will fit with a little room left for me to sleep. How can I get over this crippling fear?  The economy has left me without many resources. Thank you,

This post is my answer to her, but because so many of us find ourselves in her situation, I wanted to share my answer with all of you.


I know it is counter-intuitive, but I believe the best way to overcome fear is by embracing it. Fear is a good and healthy thing, we need it. In fact, you are doing something that appears and feels so extreme, that it is normal and healthy to feel that fear. Fear is a gift to keep us safe and I think it’s best to be grateful for it.

So I suggest you assume that the fear is a loving message from a friendly Universe that wants only the best for you. Instead of seeing it as crippling enemy, see it as a love message sent to keep you safe. Just like the ghosts that came to see Scrooge in the Dickens book, “A Christmas Story,”, these are warnings to tell you what could happen, but they are not written in stone, in fact, their purpose is to give you the chance now to take steps to see the happiest possible outcome to your new way of life.

Just like Scrooge had to make changes after he saw the dreams, you too must do work and cooperate with the fear. Make a list of all the negative things that the fear is telling you about living in the car. But instead of seeing them as a reason not to do it, see them as a loving warning message of things you need to be extra cautious and sure of.Starting with the biggest fear, take a very realistic look at what bad things could happen. But instead of being terrified of it, imagine it happening in your mind and look for all the things you could do to prevent it from happening and for all the ways you could minimize the harm that could come from itSome potential  fears:

  1. Running out of money
  2. Breaking down
  3. Being assaulted by a bad person
  4. Car accident
  5. Being lonely
  6. Being embarrassed and ashamed of living in a car
  7. Feeling like a failure
  8. Health problems

Now use the full power of your imagination and try to see yourself with each of those things happening to you, and not just once, but often. Go so far as to actually meditate and ponder how it might happen and what will it be like afterward. Then, answer these questions:

  1. How do you feel when you imagine it?  Don’t run away from the feelings, just sit with them.
  2. How likely is to really happen? Is it a real risk, or an imagined risk? Do research and study to see just how unlikely any of it really is to happen
  3. What can you do to prevent it from happening? Visualize taking concrete actions on a daily basis to see it never happens!
  4. If it does happen, how can you prepare for the worst so it does you minimum harm?

Picturing it in your mind should take away it’s power, but more important, it should allow your imagination to find ways to prevent it. Knowing how and why it could happen should give you ideas to take to prevent it.Next, and most important–DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE PARALYZED! Remember, these are love messages from the Universe to prepare you so you can take concrete ACTIONS now, before they happen, to prevent them, and if they still do happen, will do you little harm.

Starting today, make a list of specific things you can do to address each fear. I’m going to throw out some ideas, but don’t feel obligated to them, they are just brainstorming ideas  to get your creative juices going:

  • Write a budget and stick to it. (Running out of money)
  • Start looking for jobs to supplement your income. (Running out of money)
  • Be faithful about all preventative maintenance on your car. (Breaking down)
  • Build up an emergency fund (Breaking Down and Running Out of Money)
  • Get AAA roadside assistance. (Breaking Down)
  • Take a Self-defense class (Being Assaulted)
  • Carry a Whistle and Bear Spray (Being Assaulted)
  • Develop Situational Awareness. (Being Assaulted)
  • Follow and develop your gut instinct (Being Assaulted)

Those are just a few ideas I’ve thrown out there for you, but for each fear, there are dozens or hundreds of real steps you can take to minimize your risk. Your job is to start doing intensive research on the best ways to prevent your fears from coming true. But research isn’t enough, you MUST take actions!!! START METHODICALLY DOING THOSE THINGS!!From now on, when the fear assaults you, embrace the fear! Sincerely thank it for such a loving warning! Then go-over the list of things you are doing to take away the risk from living in a car.The way to overcome fear is with Faith and Confidence!

You are going to build up faith and confidence in the concrete actions you are taking to keep you safe!

Be sure and check out my YouTube Channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAj7O3LCDbkIR54hAn6Zz7A

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Bob
About

I've been a full-time VanDweller for 12 years and I love it. I hope to never live in a house again!

Posted in Fear, Inspiration-Spirituality
69 comments on “What do I do About My Crippling Fears
  1. Sue says:

    That’s a good one, the fear of running out of money (on a micro scale, just you personally and not everyone). I don’t reccomend this, but it might help you with that fear, after you have saved up, got a job lined up, trimmed down every item in your budget. Then if you are still afraid about money, think of this guy. I know a guy who panhandles when he is low on funds and nothing expected to come in soon. He says he gets the most when it is bad weather out, and he puts on all of his warm clothes and stands on the exit from Wal Mart by the nearest burger joint. He says he can get between $100 to $200 in about 5 hours of steadily putting himself out there. He is so bundled up that you can’t tell who he is, and he does warmly thank everyone who stops and he waves at those who don’t stop. He positions himself right by the curb so you can’t miss him. So be hopeful. That guy is worse off than you, and he just made $100.

    • Mary Koon says:

      When you are left with little options, your imagination will come to your aid. But like Bob warns, we can’t let fear paralyze us into giving up.

    • Lucy says:

      Bob Wells, as usual, you have posted A GREAT article, thanks !!
      Bob, you’re missed on the blog…I know, I know U’re busy making videos, enjoy & make lots of them!

      My regards, Lucy.

  2. Elaine says:

    Great post! I was scared too when I started to live in VR. After 10 years I’m still a little afraid but all that things can happen even if I live in the house too.

    • Lucy says:

      Elaine, so true, just by living in a sticks & bricks doesn’t give you the insurance you’ll be safe & sound…many things can go wrong !

      My regards, Lucy.

  3. SnowGypsy (Cathy) says:

    I often give people the same advice, but in short “Imagine the worst case scenario and how you would deal with it, and if you can handle that……..” I would also encourage people to make a barebones budget, no matter your current financial situation, which lets you know the minimum required.

    Great blog, reading it just once won’t be enough. Bob, I appreciate what you do SO much! I get it!

  4. Mike says:

    Bob you are the new patron Saint of travelers.

  5. Miker says:

    Great advise Bob! Who hasn’t experienced fear? I remember being paralyzed by it: Fear of success, of failure, cause paralysis! I see fear as a big scary black cloud. I give it strength and energy. When I walk through it, it just dissipates like a puff of smoke, then I can reclaim the strength and energy.

  6. I have a friend who lives in her car and she carries a small cheap tent. This lets her move some of the stuff out of the car and gives her more space inside when she’s camped, and also looks less like she’s sleeping in her car.

    • Liz says:

      Excellent idea and one I will put into practice soon. I just bought a Dodge Grand Caravan and am getting ready to travel for a few months to start and to decide if I will just keep going. Having so little space inside the van was a worry for me so I will give the “tent thing” a try. Thank you for sharing this idea.

  7. Tammi Padilla says:

    Starting out alone, is a big fear when you’re doing this for the first time. “Where do I go, and how do I make sure I have everything to survive?” In addition to the above recommendations, I would suggest connecting with people who are already living this lifestyle, and either camp or travel with them for a short time, until you acquire a little more confidence. Even for people who are perfectly comfortable being alone in a house or apartment, casting off alone into the great unknown can be terrifying.

    • Lucy says:

      Tammi, you are right on the money, girl !! So true, we can be nice, comfy & relaxed at home all alone, but once we get in our van & on a trip insecurity about the unknown can erode our confidence.
      Great comment Tammi !

      My regards, Lucy.

  8. Rita says:

    I am living out of a 2001 Subaru Forester and selling off the last few things in my little storage unit to get the money to fix the brakes, etc before I take off. I live on the streets. I use black out curtains and pee in a jar.

    To deal with fear, I decided not to keep much stuff but instead make my bed area more like a sofa for when not sleeping. I have an old wooden stool for a “coffee table” and am making it cozy and pretty inside. I will be looking for a less public place to sleep when it gets too hot to leave the windows up.

    I also play calming music and smoke a little herb. It gets easier with time.

    • Lucy says:

      Rita, I don’t live in my car, but if’s fair to say that I have observed more & more people living in their wheeled-homes. As hard times increase more people will take to the streets; rents are sky high & buying a stick & bricks is unreachable for millions of people. So is ok to live on wheels & pee in a jar, why not ? we all have to do… what we have to do. We have to live !!
      Bless be. Lucy.

      • Liz says:

        Based on my personal retired perspective, the rental situation has turned predatory in recent years and deposits that are supposed to repair tenant damage are now regularly being charged for landowner maintenance and refurbishing charges. It is illegal but you have to sue to get it back. There is a definite appeal to be free of landlords and to easily move on if you decide you want to find another neighborhood. 🙂

  9. Joe S says:

    I am five days into my new life and loving it. So far I haven’t had any run ins with mean folks or anything like that. I think we manufacture a lot of our fear. We also get so caught up in trying to control every aspect of our existence that we end up freezing up.

    I’m north of Cottonwood and west of Sedona at the moment. If anyone is close and wants to meet up that would be fun. I’ve been exploring the forest roads for the last few days and it’s beautiful around here.

    • Lucy says:

      Joe S:

      Glad U’re enjoying your mobile life. It’s been stated by guru Bob Wells that it’s much easier to live off towns where we have more chances to encounter ‘ bad, nasty guys’, than living up on the open road.

      My regards,Lucy.
      PD: keep on having fun!

    • Steve says:

      Hi Joe,
      I’m in the area. Are you still around? Steve on 525c

      • Joe S says:

        Wish I could of met up with you Steve. I was on 525C for a while then went east to the Mogollon rim. My dog passed so I decided to leave the road and took a job on a remote ranch in Utah. Best of luck, I couldn’t be happier.

  10. Myddy says:

    Interesting post Bob and on point as usual. I meditated a lot on my fears when I first moved 1000 miles from home. It appears my fears are more anxieties when I get to the heart of them. Every time I think I will need to relocate I panic. “I can’t pack my things back in the van in time, not everything will fit, I’ll never get where I need to be in time!” But it turns out all of that is always false. So now, when I start feeling them I can reassure myself and say no, it will all be fine because it always is. This is just another step on the adventure!

  11. Wendy Nichols says:

    I also am a 56 year old woman. I travel in a 2011 Ford Fiesta. I sleep in the back. It’s tight, but I find it easier than putting up a tent in every new place. I feel safer in a locked car, and the weather is easier to deal with under a solid roof. I live this way by choice–sold my stuff, took early retirement, mystified family and friends. I have an emergency fund, but live off of $600/mo. (Don’t get caught up in the gotta haves, like solar power or cell boosters. You don’t need that stuff!)
    I got over my fears by educating myself about this lifestyle (Thank you, Bob, and many others), and by taking short camping trips every chance I got over a 1-1/2 year period before I could retire. When I went full-time, I felt confident in my skills.
    Ultimately, taking control of my own life is the most euphoric, empowering thing I’ve ever done, and I did it just for me!

    • Carola says:

      Love it, I have been sleeping/traveling in everything from my old Ford Explorer, minivans and now a Class B and always loved it. Now serious health issues make it impractical to be on the road full time but I will be as much as I can.

    • Kris says:

      Thanks.. I am trot to move in this direction and need to retire early but that means living off of $240 a month and wonder, worry it can’t be done.

  12. Wheelingit says:

    Love this post! All of life is uncertain, and overcoming fear is part of the process. It reminds me if a book that was famous in the 70’s “feel the fear and do it anyway”. I’ve always subscribed to that…and I do carry a lot of fears. I’m also a huge believer in positive affirmations. Much of your life can be changed by your mind, and positive affirmations can re-wire many of those fear brain-connections we all carry. They helped me overcome near crippling depression and I still do them everyday. Wonderful post!

    Nina

  13. Jenn P says:

    Thank you! I am dealing with fears continually as I prepare to make RVing a reality. I just wrote out all of my fears, imagined them, and then wrote positive affirmations (I will…) of what I can do to prevent and work through those situations. I have a tight feeling in my chest but the weight is off my shoulders and I know that I can make this happen.

  14. Tony says:

    Thanks Bob for another great post and everyone else for the helpful comments. Conquering fears is easier said than done. We all have fears and anxieties and we all have different triggers for these. In addition to many of the fears listed here, I have a particularly difficult fear for a prospective van dweller and traveler. I have gephyrophobia, which is the fear of crossing over or driving over bridges. For me it’s large bridges, especially over water. I’ve been through therapy, and I’m trying hard to conquer it. Anyone else have this particular fear or phobia?

  15. Kevin says:

    There is a youtuber “Paul from Cleveland” who talks about this in a video “MGTOW Leave the system”

    He gives an excellent shoutout to you at the 11:30 mark. Says you are trying to help people escape the rat race and haters heap the abuse on you for it.

  16. Christine B Serafin says:

    Thank you again Bob. Well this topic of paralyzing fear is me. In fact I was just thinking that if you looked up “paralyzing fear” in the dictionary it would have my picture. This month is the first month I have had to go to the food bank here locally. I keep thinking and watching your videos and yet I am frozen. Oh I have taken steps, watched your videos, sold stuff at a local consignment shop, changed cell carriers to lower my expenses. From backpacking and hiking I have gear. My target date is June to hike a long trail, that would take 6 months; then living in my car might be an upgrade. ha.

  17. Camden Courcier says:

    Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.
    That was great wisdom I saw on the back of a sweatshirt one time.
    I saw that at 7yo when my family lost everything and had to leave Denver Colorado for California. My mother was terrified my father saw it as an adventure. I have always identified with his sense of adventure.
    I have lived on sailboats and in RVs on very little money for 30 years. Some are horrified about the way I live others are wistful and envious.
    It’s all in how you see life.

  18. GG Prepper says:

    I look at it this way… when I retire do I want to sit on the front porch and watch Life go by or do I want to sit in my van and watch scenery go by? And I decided that I want to watch the scenery go by while I’m traveling to my next overnight campsite. In this day and age with drive-by Shooters coming through neighborhoods who’s to say where the safest place to be is. You can’t live your life with what ifs.

  19. Tony-xpat living part time in Quito Ecuador says:

    I was just reading here about fears of the unknown when I realized the rocking motion of my office chair was not of my doing (this was confirmed by glancing over at the curtains next to my desk, they were doing the dance). earthquakes are common here in Ecuador but an accepted risk just as it is in California, where I am from and where I am returning in a few weeks for my six month stay in California and Oregon. I was thinking of all the things in life we take for granted and how we put ourselves in harms way and not really give it much thought but when we step away from our normal everyday routine and escape to the wilderness we can imagine a wild animal behind every-tree that is not occupied by a crazy person. I have traveled many thousands of miles perhaps crowding the several hundred thousand mile mark- I’m not sure, I’ve never kept track- but I know I’ve worn out quite a few good vehicles and I have survived mechanical break-downs and economical short-falls and have found there is always a way, always a solution. I discovered along the way that a trip to Alaska with out a mechanical breakdown and-or other challenges was disappointing on some level, although at the time it was not welcomed but when it was resolved I felt I triumphed over adversity, I won my merit badge so to speak.I will admit that the Gods can be unkind as well as kind but short of a disaster we all come through what life gives us or takes away. Kindness of strangers can happen when you are in need and it can come from the most unlikely source. I once had a fuel-line failure at a gas station and I was alerted to it by a person that I would possibly avoid because he was a little rough around the edges. This man assured he was a trained professional, then directed me to drive up on a curb alongside the gas station and was able to squeeze under the front end and reattach the fuel line. He came out covered in dirt, grease and of course gasoline but when I offered to pay him he refused saying he had done so many wrongs in his life he now is devoting his life to make up for those misdeeds of his past. Sometimes life has a magical side to it and it seems when you take a leap of faith the unexpected happens, you just have to expose yourself, be vulnerable, but be careful; at times you can let your guard down and let people help when you are in need. Don’t be too proud to accept their offer; there are good people out there that will feel the need to help others in their time of need. When it happens it also means you can pass it on to the next person in need, It doesn’t mean you have to look for someone to help but be ready when the time comes. I am 75 years old and have many miles left in me as I love traveling and love the adventure of it all and I like meeting people and learning from them their life’s experiences. We all have something to share.

  20. Diane Ely says:

    Bob: You haven’t updated this blog in nearly a month – hope everything’s OK with you.

    • Lucy says:

      Diane Ely, you’re right, Bob has not made an entry on the blog in a looo00ng time & we wonder / worry about him. I’m sort of inclined to believe he’s busy making videos & having ‘ too much fun ‘ LOL.

      My regards: Lucy.

      • Diane Ely says:

        Yes, undoubtedly Bob’s busy with full-timing matters and we’ll hear from him soon.

        If I may, I’d like to ask if anyone knows the current status of another full-timer – Jim Melvin, of the blog “Jimbo’s Journeys”. Jim hasn’t updated his blog since last October. Actually he had purchased a tiny house in Oregon and was scaling back to being a “part-timer”, but I thought he was going to keep his blog going. In March I posted a comment there, expressing concern for his well-being, but this has gone unanswered. Does anyone here know about Jim?

      • Linda Sand says:

        I’ve been concerned, too, so came to comments to see if anyone had already checked in. I’d like Bob to post at least an “I’m OK” note. Or someone who has seen him recently can post a note saying something along those lines.

      • Greg says:

        He’s been doing lots of van building and he mentioned his mom is sick so he’s moving to east coast for a year or so

  21. Sandy says:

    Thank you Bob for sharing your insight and wisdom and creating space for like minded people to come together. Admits a web of anonymity and anger, I am delighted to find this peaceful place where everyone is so respectful. We have a Ford Transit Connect that we are hoping to convert into a weekend haven and are grateful that it lead us to this page and community.

  22. Carol Joos says:

    The best tool I know for overcoming fear is The Work, Byron Katie’s method, which you can find described more fully on line.
    You ask yourself four questions, in writing, and answer them in writing: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (If your answer to the first question was “yes”) How do you feel when you think that thought? How do you feel without the thought?
    There’s more, which you’ll find on line, but the best resource is her book, Loving What Is.
    This has been of huge value to me for many years.

  23. Larry Stone says:

    the emperor has no clothes

  24. Tigerlilly says:

    I feel so fortunate to have found this site/blog. I am a 64 (almost) year old women and looking forward to becoming a full-timer when I retire next year. I’ll be soloing it and a newbie so my first stop will be the Rubber Tramps Rendezvous. Looking forward to meeting new friends and overcoming fears just by “doing it”.

  25. Michelle Gideon says:

    I have just found this wonderful website/forum and am in total awe! I have ALWAYS wanted to do this sort of thing with my life – and now at the age of 57, I feel that if I don’t do this now – I will soon perish, never knowing the true feeling of being free.

    I have read several comments that Bob has made inviting new-comers to join him in order to “learn the ropes” of living this Nomadic lifestyle. Does anyone know how I would contact Bob to find out specifics?
    I would greatly appreciate any help forwarded my way!

    • Lucy says:

      Michelle:
      there is a E-mail address listed on this blog, it’s Bob’s address, check this page, is in it somewhere. I believe the the legend is: ‘ stay in touch with me ‘

      Lucy.

  26. Frederick Edwards says:

    this is totally unrelated to your entry Bob but I thought this was a clever idea/product for van dwellers from one of my favorite websites:

    http://www.duckworksbbs.com/gear/shower/dog.htm

  27. Cheryl says:

    Greetings from Canada! My husband and I are considering selling everything and living this alternative lifestyle. I am disabled and need quite a bit of medication which I worry about paying for. It is a big jump for us to take at our ages (60 and 65) but we need to do it. Thank you for all your great info and encouragement! Love this site.

    • Lucy says:

      Cheryl, van dwellers find medications crossing the border & buying needed medications at Algodones, Mexico; it’s been said they are MUCH cheaper than in the US.

      My regards: Lucy.

  28. Kim says:

    I am getting ready to live in a van for a few months. Does anyone have advice as to how to cool the van while sleeping in it? Are there any portable air conditioners for this? Opening the windows won’t work for me. Thanks, Kim

  29. Liz says:

    So, I’ve been following Bob for a couple of years as I build up the courage to become a full-timing single female RVer. I have actually come to depend heavily on his upbeat and helpful posts on UTube and this website. Haven’t seen or heard anything from him in so long, I wonder, is he moving on to something else? I know one comment said his mother is ill and some other posts said he had started a new relationship. All really good reasons to start a new chapter and I wish him well if that is what is going on. Would it be possible to let us know if he plans to continue the Cheap RV Living site and blog as well as the UTube posts? Feeling a huge sense of loss without his posts. Best wishes.

  30. jim says:

    Has anyone heard how Mr Bob is doing

    • Diane Ely says:

      Agreed – Bob, even if you’re super busy (per Greg’s post above on May 10), would you be able to post a short update on how you and Cody are doing?

  31. Joe S says:

    Hi Bob. Please post and let us know how you are doing. Thanks, Joe.

  32. Steve says:

    Hello everyone, I recently experienced some challenges and found myself enduring crippling anxiety. I was making myself sick with worry, to the point that my doctor suspected IBS. Somehow I remembered a book I had bought a couple years ago, but had not read: Letting Go: the Pathway to Surrender https://www.amazon.com/Letting-David-Hawkins-M-D-Ph-D/dp/1401945015/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496533935&sr=8-1&keywords=letting+go

    The entire book is worth reading, but you can get the main benefit in the first 30 minutes or so. You can also find many videos of Dr. Hawkins on youtube.

    It sounds too good to be true, but it helped me in a matter of minutes. I keep practicing letting go; it’s not “once and done,” but I feel I have a technique to see me through just about anything life throws at me.

    Peace, love, and freedom to you all.

    Steve

  33. jim says:

    Just wondering will there be a summer or winter rtr with Mr Bob not around for 2 or 3 years and just wondering did Mr Bob get sick all at once or his mother and if so how are they doing i sure miss his post once or twice a week if anyone knows please let us know has anyone try his email address thinks

    • mayble says:

      He still pops up over on the forum. Hopefully he’ll share something here soon.

      • Lucy says:

        Thanks for the news Mayble, most of us worry about him ( even sticks-and -bricks people ). Wish him and of U guys the best.

        My regards: Lucy.

  34. Calvin Rittenhouse says:

    Bob is still posting things on Youtube, mostly others’ rigs. I don’t relate to Youtube the same way as I do the blog, but it looks to me as if the blog is done.

  35. jim says:

    You could be right Calvin I watch the YouTube videos to but I miss the blog but Mr Bob can’t be everywhere just so much to talk about no need in telling the same thing twice i wish him the very best in what ever he’s doing he has brought me a lot of enjoyment thew the years reading about his life and times

  36. Scott says:

    Hey Bob, I appreciate your blog. I don’t see a place/link to subscribe to it. Is there a way?

  37. Joyce says:

    Hello I just want to ask how you renew your driver license without a permanent address

    • Lucy says:

      Joyce, there is a place here on the blog where it tells you how to get yourself a permanent address-like, If my memory doesn’t fail me is , ‘ the UPS store ‘… check it out & also check the blog’s menu regarding the matter, it’s here.. somewhere; good luck.

      Lucy.

  38. Ron says:

    Videos are OK, but I do miss new blog posts. Like Calvin, I too don’t relate to Youtube the same way as I do the blog. But thanks for all the great posts over the years Bob!

  39. SnowGypsy says:

    For me, I found that once I stepped into a situation, generally pushed myself into it, I was so busy dealing with the details in dealing with an unfamiliar state of being that the fear disappeared. The more times I did this, the easier it was to step in an unfamiliar state, if that makes any sense. And, for me their is a natural high in this, so it became a little addictive.

  40. Kate says:

    I could and am planning on becoming a nomad. Not afraid because i would rather die really living than die already dead and isnt dying the real fear behind all the lesser fears? Only fear for me is want to keep with me my cats or at least one cat. Am concerned about being outside and running away in fear and dont want to keep inside the whole time. Dogs are easier i know but want to see if there is a way can do this with afraidy cat. Any thoughts suggestions windows of hope for this?

  41. Ruth Ruddock says:

    Just found this blog, and sorry it seems to be ending.
    One comment here, to everyone…please note that there is a gentleman who posted on here about his fear of crossing water on large bridges, and wanted to know if anyone else had this issue, and solutions to that. I have the fear of it, but I do it anyway. I drive very cautiously, praying while crossing a river….it helps. So far it has worked well, but the fear is always a part of my travels. My brother had the same problem. Anyone else have this fear…please help us out if you can.
    Thanks!

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