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Many Conflicting Thoughts
#1
Hey all...

It's been a while, but hi again.

My van build is going good.  Slow, but steady.  Taken a couple trips in it which have been a blast.

I recently just got into a new relationship.  This is both exciting and terrifying because it means two things:  first, i'm excited to be in love again with someone amazing, but second, it's also terrifying because this means giving up that freedom I was working towards.

See, this person does not have the same dream I do about leaving it all behind to travel in a van.  She (yes, she) works full time at a job she loves and has pets to care for.  She moved around her whole life and finally feels settled in a place she can call home.  She likes the security that having a home and steady job give her.  So, I get where she's coming from when she says the van life is not her dream, but it still makes me sad to be with someone who doesn't share the same dream I have of van dwelling.  She does like to travel and we can take trips together here and there.  But now I have to start facing facts that I'll be "settling down" so to speak, working a steady job and living in one place for the foreseeable future, unless things don't work out.  But I want to be with her, and we have a really good relationship so far.  It's still fairly new, so of course if things don't work out, I will keep on with the dream.  But I want everything to work out, of course.  It's just hard and I feel conflicted and I knew that if I got into a relationship that this would happen.

Anyone else faced this scenario before?  What did you do?
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#2
In my experience, whenever a person sacrifices a dream to make a relationship "work", it never ends up working in the end...be it 6 months, 6 years, etc...YMMV Wink

I guess if you keep moving forward with your dream, you could have a girl in ever port...and port #1 is all set ^^

Ford E450 Box Truck RV Conversion
...but no pictures thanks to Photobucket...
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dawnann7 (11-17-2017), waverider1987 (11-11-2016)
#3
Being free to travel is just soooo much a part of me as a person that truthfully, I won't even think of looking twice at a person who isn't either already on the road or so totally enthralled with my lifestyle that they're ready to throw everything out the window to join me.

My last relationship I was constantly talking about where 'we' would go when we got to retire. Near the end I was told that travelling as 'we' was not an option. I've always wondered why he didn't bring it up in the beginning... Rolleyes We didn't break up over my need for travel but it sure would have happened when the time came to break free.
Worry is a misuse of imagination!
 
Build link: http://www.cheaprvliving.com/forums/Thre...g-Arabella
Full-timer again as of November 24, 2015 - 14 glorious years on the road before that!



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waverider1987 (11-11-2016)
#4
I can't offer any advice but will extend my congratulations on finding someone. It's rough being caught in the middle but at the same time it is nice to have two choices for how to move on with your life.

Guy
"We're all bozos on the bus, so might as well sit back and enjoy the ride."

Wavy Gravy

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waverider1987 (11-14-2016)
#5
Love or lust, in my book you set the person you love free, in the old saying love conquers all just wraps it up with a ribbon, and by the way congratulations not easy to find a mate these days you must be quite the woman.
2015 RTR  adrian.schafgans@gmail.com
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waverider1987 (11-14-2016)
#6
I think Brad nailed it with his advice, but if you want to stay in the relationship can you find a happy middle ground you can both live with? Travel weekends with her or you travel on your own part of the year and spend other part with her or any combo of a compromise you two both think could work.
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
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#7
I won't be much help with advice here because I recently broke up with my bf of three years because we don't have the same dream. I needed to break free for the good of both of us because I couldn't give him what he wants by "settling down" with him and if I did I would just resent him later and still want to travel.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to to.
~ Cheli ~

Looking forward to becoming a nomad and living free.

www.runningawayfromhome.com
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#8
Most relationships have a 'shiny and new' period that lasts 3-6 months, then you start seeing the warts
Give it time, if you feel that strongly right now, but build out your van anyway, take trips with or without her, and get everything set up how you like it
if in 6 months you don't still feel that 'shiny' about the relationship, you'll be ready to fly
I do think it can't work, long term, unless you are free to come and go, or there will be resentment, and anger, and a nasty ending as like as not
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waverider1987 (11-14-2016)
#9
My wife and I have been together almost 27 years, she is more of a homebody than I am and wanted to be home and with the dogs relaxing. She enjoys travel but shorter term pre-planned trips are more her style. Now me, I spent 42 years of my life riding motorcycles all over the country, definitely not her thing, she'd go along for an occasional weekend but that was it.

So how did we work it out? By having very open and honest discussion about our needs. Being open to the idea that we may need different things, but still wanting the relationship to succeed; so we compromised some. We took trips together, shorter one or two week vacations to "destinations", and then I took solo motorcycle trips. She was happy for the calls home to say where I was and that I was alright, and I was happy being out there.

Depending on the people involved, it is doable. We are very very happy together and I'm very pleased I didn't give in to my inclination to run away. Wish you both the best of luck.
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#10
As I age, and I've been doing a LOT of that in recent years, I am more and more embracing that THE most important part of our humanity is relationships.

I'm in a long term relationship, dated for five years and married for 41.
We had a family and they now have their own families.
We travel together frequently but she will never be one to let it all go and move into a Van.

To this end we purchased a small home (676 sf) not far from my youngest daughter in Pennsylvania. This home is only a small step above a tiny house and is forcing us to seriously downsize and eliminate a lot of stuff.
This modest home will be our home base, a rock to return to. My daughter will watch it for us when we are away. 

My Wife is not against getting up, throwing some clothes in a sack, locking the doors and going for months on end...... As long as we can come home eventually. 

I would never ask her to do full time in a Van because I am well aware of her desire for roots.
She would never ask me to stay home instead of taking a trip because she is well aware of my desire to simply go.

Because of our long term committed relationship and the inate desire to make each other happy we each WILLINGLY make compromises. Not because we are forced to make these compromises but because we WANT to.

When we got married in 1975, she had never ventured West of Eastern Pennsylvania. Now we've checked off the lower 48 together.  We've done Canada but not Mexico.
Maybe someday a trip to the 49th might happen but we will probably never hit Hawaii because sadly, you cannot drive there.

She's not a fan of having her feet 20,000 feet above the ground, We together are not fans of wide open expanses of endless seas. Only North and South America are available to us due to this self imposed exile.

I Veer off topic here.......
IF you truly Love this person and she you, there won't be issues about traveling or not. She will want to travel with you because you want to travel. 
Likewise......
You will want to stay home with her because you know that makes her happy.

So what? You have a house....... Not a bad thing at all and it is a WAY better situation than millions of others have today!

Keep the Van, do it up right and make it a rolling love shack/adventure wagon dedicated to having fun and making memories. 

Life could be a LOT worse than having someone at your side as you age, someone to hold your hand as you close your eyes for that last time..........

Anyway...... Sermon over.......

Dave
2003 Dodge 5.2 LWB Conversion Van in NJ
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