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Many Conflicting Thoughts
#11
(11-11-2016, 09:08 PM)Every Road Leads Home Wrote: I think Brad nailed it with his advice, but if you want to stay in the relationship can you find a happy middle ground you can both live with?  Travel weekends with her or you travel on your own part of the year and spend other part with her or any combo of a compromise you two both think could work.

Yes I think that's what will have to happen, honestly.  It's all about compromise.
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#12
(11-12-2016, 12:58 PM)djkeev Wrote: As I age, and I've been doing a LOT of that in recent years, I am more and more embracing that THE most important part of our humanity is relationships.

I'm in a long term relationship, dated for five years and married for 41.
We had a family and they now have their own families.
We travel together frequently but she will never be one to let it all go and move into a Van.

To this end we purchased a small home (676 sf) not far from my youngest daughter in Pennsylvania. This home is only a small step above a tiny house and is forcing us to seriously downsize and eliminate a lot of stuff.
This modest home will be our home base, a rock to return to. My daughter will watch it for us when we are away. 

My Wife is not against getting up, throwing some clothes in a sack, locking the doors and going for months on end...... As long as we can come home eventually. 

I would never ask her to do full time in a Van because I am well aware of her desire for roots.
She would never ask me to stay home instead of taking a trip because she is well aware of my desire to simply go.

Because of our long term committed relationship and the inate desire to make each other happy we each WILLINGLY make compromises. Not because we are forced to make these compromises but because we WANT to.

When we got married in 1975, she had never ventured West of Eastern Pennsylvania. Now we've checked off the lower 48 together.  We've done Canada but not Mexico.
Maybe someday a trip to the 49th might happen but we will probably never hit Hawaii because sadly, you cannot drive there.

She's not a fan of having her feet 20,000 feet above the ground, We together are not fans of wide open expanses of endless seas. Only North and South America are available to us due to this self imposed exile.

I Veer off topic here.......
IF you truly Love this person and she you, there won't be issues about traveling or not. She will want to travel with you because you want to travel. 
Likewise......
You will want to stay home with her because you know that makes her happy.

So what? You have a house....... Not a bad thing at all and it is a WAY better situation than millions of others have today!

Keep the Van, do it up right and make it a rolling love shack/adventure wagon dedicated to having fun and making memories. 

Life could be a LOT worse than having someone at your side as you age, someone to hold your hand as you close your eyes for that last time..........

Anyway...... Sermon over.......

Dave

Thanks Dave, you're right.  Appreciate it Smile
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#13
I won't get into a romantic relationship because of this exact reason. Even if I found someone who had the same dream as me, he might want to go to a different place than me, a different state, town, etc. I've compromised too much in my life already. The compromising is over for me. So, no romance for me and I can't say I feel my life is lacking. I have many "relationships" as I have a couple of close friends in Arizona who I always do little day trips with. In March, I hope to make additional friends who will be around to also see the sites with. Not being romantically involved doesn't mean you have to be lonely.
I wish you luck in your decision. Just remember, put yourself first- rarely are you anyone else's first.
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waverider1987 (11-15-2016)
#14
I have given up enough of my life for others. I did this for love (more like limerance) one too many times. And here I am, with fewer years ahead than behind, having not done all the things I wanted to do (by compromising to be with someone--against my gut and better judgment). But the realization that relationships are not the be-all comes with age and experience, I think.

I once thought romantic love was a goal; now I'm just happy with universal, bigger-than-just-two, love. I'm not saying that if I met someone worth considering getting involved with, that I wouldn't consider it, I just no longer let the goal of finding *someone* guide me. It's not my north star.

I also don't understand why a relationship with another autonomous individual has to result in an outdated model of what a partnership should be. Why not travel and have the love? Does love require that you cohabitate AND inhabit the same space?

Whatever you decide, you do you. Ultimately, you are the one on your journey--everyone else is just along for a leg of it. :)
It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends. 
                                                                                            ~ Dorothy Parker
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#15
I knew a couple that took separate vacations. They found it refreshing as in absence makes the heart grow fonder. She would go to a Spa and be pampered for a couple of weeks and he would jump on a freight train. She would explain to casual acquaintances that She does not enjoy rail travel as much as her husband, and he doesn't like cucumbers and mud on his face.

People crave change I think. People who must travel for work tend not to do that for fun.
The world is not perfect, and neither am I. Get over it already. 
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#16
Why do you feel that it's an "all or nothing" situation? If she loves you, she should understand your need to roam. Keeping you on a tether makes you a pet, not a partner.

My beloved and I have been together for 21 years. In just the last six months, I spent a couple of weeks in Maine, he spent a month in Israel (we live in Arizona). We take journeys together, but we have different interests and hobbies, which necessitate time apart. I had no interest in riding my bike 3900 miles from the Atlantic to the Pacific. He has no interest in hanging out with my sister and family, frankly, it is boring. His metal detecting would drive me mad. Sitting and painting all day would suck out his stuffing. Embarking on our walkabout means we take our separate hobbies with us. After spending time apart for weeks or more, when we come back to each other, we are home. He is my home, I am his.

Love is a partnership, not a prison. If you voluntarily cede your dreams and independence to your new love, it's only going to cause resentment sooner or later. That certainly will be fatal to your relationship unless you choose to deaden your emotions for all your days. Staying together and following your dreams are not mutually exclusive . If she demands otherwise, at this point, you know the answer.

Martyrdom has its price. Do you want to pay it? Think about what you want. We only have so much time on Earth. How much do you want to regret when you reach the end of it?
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The following 7 users say Thank You to WalkaboutTed for this post:
GypsySpirit (08-22-2017), maryann1976 (04-03-2017), acfdexpo (03-12-2017), jimindenver (03-11-2017), Every Road Leads Home (03-11-2017), akrvbob (03-11-2017), DannyB1954 (03-11-2017)
#17
(03-11-2017, 12:13 AM)WalkaboutTed Wrote: Why do you feel that it's an "all or nothing" situation?  If she loves you, she should understand your need to roam.  Keeping you on a tether makes you a pet, not a partner.

My beloved and I have been together for 21 years. In just the last six months, I spent a couple of weeks in Maine, he spent a month in Israel (we live in Arizona). We take journeys together, but we have different interests and hobbies, which necessitate time apart. I had no interest in riding my bike 3900 miles from the Atlantic to the Pacific. He has no interest in hanging out with my sister and family, frankly, it is boring. His metal detecting would drive me mad.  Sitting and painting all day would suck out his stuffing.  Embarking on our walkabout means we take our separate hobbies with us.   After spending time apart for weeks or more, when we come back to each other,  we are home. He is my home, I am his.

Love is a partnership, not a prison.  If you voluntarily cede your dreams and independence to your new love, it's only going to cause resentment sooner or later.  That certainly will be fatal to your relationship unless you choose to deaden your emotions for all your days.  Staying together and following your dreams are not mutually exclusive .  If she demands otherwise, at this point, you know the answer.  

Martyrdom has its price. Do you want to pay it?  Think about what you want.  We only have so much time on Earth.  How much do you want to regret when you reach the end of it?

Wow, that is brilliant writing and thinking!! Would you mind if it used this as a blog post? I won't change a word or add anything to it. There is nothing I can do to improve on it, anything I did would only diminish it.
2015 GMC Savannah 2500 van, 480 watts of Solar Panels--and a wonderful furry best friend named Cody. I'm out to change the world!
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#18
Great writing WalkaboutTed  Exclamation
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#19
I agree, those were indeed words of wisdom.
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
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#20
Feel free, Bob and anyone else to use my words.

To kill someone's passion is akin to taking his life. And how much more of either do we all have left?

Tonight I trounced my hubby in Scrabble! It's silly, but sometimes, sharing small pleasures like playing a game together is as important as major milestones.

I don't know your age. But living a life not of your own choosing is tragic. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. I've spent too much living someone else's dreams. And sometimes, once you start down a road, sometimes you can't change your direction. For example, after having four kids, I had to follow through on raising them. I'm so thankful to have my sons in my life, but they sure did cramp my life's passions.. My oldest son is 39 this year and my youngest, 25, came back home again last year. That's a lot of years that I've had many of my needs and desires on hold. My turn now.

We all need to keep our eyes in the endgame. When you close your eyes on your last day, how do want to feel about how you lived your life?

Ted
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