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Many Conflicting Thoughts
(03-12-2017, 12:27 AM)WalkaboutTed Wrote: Feel free, Bob and anyone else to use my words.

To kill someone's passion is akin to taking his life.  And how much more of either do we all have left?

Tonight I trounced my hubby in Scrabble!  It's silly, but sometimes, sharing small pleasures like playing a game together is as important as major milestones.

I don't know your age. But living a life not of your own choosing is tragic.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  I've spent too much living someone else's dreams.  And sometimes, once you start down a road, you can't change your direction. For example, after having four kids, I had to follow through on raising them. I'm so thankful to have my sons in my life, but they sure did cramp my life's passions..  My oldest son is 39 this year and my youngest, 25, came back home again last year.  That's a lot of years that I've had many of my needs and desires on hold. My turn now.

We all need to keep our eyes in the endgame.  When you close your eyes on your last day, how do want to feel about how you lived your life?

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It's me again...

Well, here we are about a year later, and still having the same internal conflict.

I have a loving, sweet, good relationship...but yet I still have wanderlust, and I can't seem to shake it. I don't want to give up on my relationship for the unknown, because what if it doesn't work out and then I just live a life of regret? But I feel like that anyway, like I'm just sitting here, comfy in this "stable" life, wondering. The big "what if".

I guess I just need to know if anyone else has had the fear of flying, so to speak. The fear is what holds me back the most, and the guilt. But I feel like I'm living up to everyone else's expectations other than my own. And maybe the person I'm letting down the most is myself.

I don't know anymore.
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Honestly you and your true love should be working to make both your dreams come true. Anything else leaves one or the other feeling short changed. The desire to roam may taint the comfy, stable situation so use your time to learn and prepare. I spent years doing it not really knowing if it was ever going to come to pass. It kept me sane and when the time did come I was ready to pack it up and go.
Sparky created, (Sparkles on some Saturday nights)  Max the Wonder puppy approved

2011 Ameri-lite 25 ft bunkhouse with 750w of solar and a 675 Ah bank
2003 Ford Expedition with 435w of tilting solar.
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MrAlvinDude (11-30-2017), waverider1987 (08-23-2017)
Welcome back!

I'd say you gave the relationship a year and you still have the desire to travel. Not giving that to yourself can and will only lead you down one road......regret. whether that be in a week, a year, or on your deathbed if you don't try it will eventually come back to haunt you. Like Jim said, you should both be working to make each other's dreams come true. Find a compromise, a common ground, something that fulfills both your needs and go for it. If one can't accept the other's dream(s) then i'd say the writing is already on the wall.

It's hard but i've walked away from several relationships, a few from a woman I deeply loved, but also ones where I wasn't free to do the things I needed to do for myself. They for their own reasons we're unable to give me the time and space I needed for my own personal growth and adventures. As a result i'm coming up on my 37th birthday and still single. I do have days where I wonder "what if" I stayed with one of them but then I think about the places i've been, the things i've seen, the people i've met and I wouldn't be willing to trade those experiences for the latter, so I know I made the right choices thus far.

And as with all advice, it's much easier said than done. I still struggle with decisions, even when I know what the right answer is deep down inside. We all do.
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
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waverider1987 (08-23-2017)
Yes I understand this completely. Going through this with my family, and the guilt of leaving them. Also afraid of breaking the closeness I have worked for my whole life....
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The following 1 user says Thank You to JannaB for this post:
waverider1987 (08-23-2017)
(11-11-2016, 06:01 PM)waverider1987 Wrote: Hey all...

It's been a while, but hi again.

My van build is going good.  Slow, but steady.  Taken a couple trips in it which have been a blast.

I recently just got into a new relationship.  This is both exciting and terrifying because it means two things:  first, i'm excited to be in love again with someone amazing, but second, it's also terrifying because this means giving up that freedom I was working towards.

See, this person does not have the same dream I do about leaving it all behind to travel in a van.  She (yes, she) works full time at a job she loves and has pets to care for.  She moved around her whole life and finally feels settled in a place she can call home.  She likes the security that having a home and steady job give her.  So, I get where she's coming from when she says the van life is not her dream, but it still makes me sad to be with someone who doesn't share the same dream I have of van dwelling.  She does like to travel and we can take trips together here and there.  But now I have to start facing facts that I'll be "settling down" so to speak, working a steady job and living in one place for the foreseeable future, unless things don't work out.  But I want to be with her, and we have a really good relationship so far.  It's still fairly new, so of course if things don't work out, I will keep on with the dream.  But I want everything to work out, of course.  It's just hard and I feel conflicted and I knew that if I got into a relationship that this would happen.

Anyone else faced this scenario before?  What did you do?

But now I have to start facing facts that I'll be "settling down" so to speak, working a steady job and living in one place for the foreseeable future, unless things don't work out.
Why do you have to settle down? Would the relationship work if you lived in your vehicle and she stayed in her settled life? Would she be there for you if you came and went on your terms?
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She feels like by my wanting to be nomadic that I'm ungrateful for what I have and not living in the moment. In honesty I just feel restless. I understand the meaning of gratitude and being humble. I realize that there are problems with any lifestyle, pros and cons to each. And I realize that van life won't solve all my problems, it's just a different way of life that I think would be exciting. There will most likely be downfalls to it...running out of money, getting a flat tire and getting stuck somewhere, etc. It's not that I feel ungrateful for what I have....I just feel unsettled.
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I think what it comes down to is being able to explain to someone who doesn't want to be a nomadic, your reasons for wanting to be. They aren't going to understand it and will try and find all the reasons why it's not a good idea. It's not a bad idea to be nomadic...just a different one from the "norm". It's hard to break out of this lifestyle because I literally don't know anybody who is a nomad, other than the people I talk to and see online. It'd probably be easier if I knew people in real life who were nomadic.
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For me personally, it's hard to stay living in this hamster wheel existence. That's why I keep moving cities and finding new jobs. I get bored too easily and want to live in different places and do different jobs. I don't know how people live in one place their whole lives and work the same job. That sounds like death to me. I feel like by being nomadic, and being able to work seasonal jobs in different places, it would suit my needs better than living in a house in one place, working a job with no end in site, other than retirement, or death.

Sorry to ramble and keep
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dawnann7 (11-17-2017)
Have you considered wwoofing? Would that interest you.

I lived in Cali (not wwoofing) on a stipend for a year with a neighboring hot springs/mud bath, etc (free entrance). Met people from around the world.
Exclamation And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. — Abraham Lincoln
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