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Relationships with non-nomads
#1
WTF now?!?

My plans to retire and live on the road have been in the works for some time now.  If not for a shoulder injury in March I would have been gone by now. 

I have also been in an on again/off again relationship with a man for the last 6 years.  In every way imaginable he is my soulmate and I honestly never thought I would meet someone like him this late in life.  However, because of issues from his past, he has a true fear of commitment and failure.  The failure part makes no sense to me because this is a man who is a successful entrepreneur, raised a daughter single-handedly for the last 5 years after the mom moved to another area (daughter is now a college freshman), handled diagnosis of diabetes and other health issues like a boss.  He does have a point when it comes to me that he has never known when I would leave for good.  I've tried many times to get my most important needs met and when they didn't, I walked away...only to come back usually with the idea that a little bit of something wonderful is better than none at all.  

I would love to be able to stay and be with this man.  Traveling on the road can happen any time...relationships like this don't happen often.  But in order to do so, some of my needs have to be fulfilled.  Nope, I don't require a ring.  I have been single for the last 25 years and I like my independence.  Perhaps at some point I would like to consider living together but that's negotiable.  What I want is a man who is ready to meet my family, have me meet his and act as if we are a couple.  I'd like to spend some weekends and holidays together, plan trips together and basically know that I have a future with him.  So far he's been unable to do that.  But we recently had a heart to heart and it seems that he wants to fight for us.  That's not typical.  In the past he's been ready to let me go when I want to go.  Of course, we always drift back but when we have it's been with the understanding that he still feels the same.  This time is different.  This time there appears to be compromise and he's actually thinking about his and our future.  Perhaps brought on by the daughter leaving home which lessens his responsibilities and made him realize that he doesn't really like having so much alone time. 

Add to the mix that my youngest son who lives in this area is having his first child, my first grandchild, in December.  He wont' be leaving the area for a couple of years.  He's finishing his bachelor's degree (1 more year to go) and then he plans to get his Master's degree.  His academic area and military background will make him highly competitive for a position with the federal government and those jobs are most easily had here in the DC Metro area.  So although most of my family is out west, I do have a strong tie here besides my SO. 

So for now it seems best that things are one day at a time.  Continue to save as much as possible for the RV and retirement.  See what happens with him and whether he's truly ready to find some compromise that allows both our needs to be met.  My lease is up in June 2018 and that's when I planned on leaving.  If things are still good with us at that time, I'd consider finding a smaller place to live so I can continue to save OR so I can go ahead and retire and maybe supplement my income with a part-time job (I'm very much over the full-time corporate drag).  This with the idea of continuing to live separately but spending more time together and seeing what happens.  I could also still consider getting an RV and doing some vacation and weekend travel.  The lifestyle isn't something I think he'd enjoy and he's the type who would tell me to go, have fun and he'll see me when I get back. 

And that's where things are at:  basically planning two different lifestyle scenarios and having no idea what my future holds.  That isn't something I enjoy -- I like to plan my life and know what's coming.  However, I've invested too much time, been through too much with this man and care more deeply than I have about any man I've had in my life that I can't just walk away without giving it a chance.
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#2
"What I want is a man who is ready to meet my family, have me meet his and act as if we are a couple. I'd like to spend some weekends and holidays together, plan trips together and basically know that I have a future with him. So far he's been unable to do that."

I'm going to go way out on a limb here. Are you sure he isn't married? Maybe I'm paranoid, but these symptoms sometimes fit the diagnosis of "married but I want to maintain the status quo" just a thought that occurred to me.
Ted
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#3
Definitely not.  I always vet people I meet and as a paralegal I have some easier access to public databases that allow me to check marriage and divorce records.  Also, I've been to his place many times.  No evidence of anyone other than a teenage daughter in residence.
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#4
I have only been on the road since the first of the year, so maybe I am not qualified to respond. I did have a brief hint of a relationship and it made me realize that either I needed to find someone with a mobile mind set or one of us was going to have to change our life a lot. Otherwise asking some little cutie to live in a trailer out in the middle of no where not to mention the whole poop in a bucket thing might just be a wee bit too much to ask for. As for me, it will take a lot to get me to stop being mobile. I spent a lifetime putting others before me. I spent a great deal of time, money and effort making it so that I could do this for myself.

Speaking of asking. Have you had the discussion of him tagging along? It sounds like you will be returning to the area. He could try it out and not have to change his life to do so. I any event I think you should set a level of comfort before your lease is up. By then you should know what his intentions are.
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#5
So if you hadn't injured your shoulder in March you would have been gone ...

Is this the answer you seek?
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#6
(10-04-2017, 12:02 PM)Yjimindenver Wrote: I have only been on the road since the first of the year, so maybe I am not qualified to respond. I did have a brief hint of a relationship and it made me realize that either I needed to find someone with a mobile mind set or one of us was going to have to change our life a lot. Otherwise asking some little cutie to live in a trailer out in the middle of no where not to mention the whole poop in a bucket thing might just be a wee bit too much to ask for. As for me, it will take a lot to get me to stop being mobile. I spent a lifetime putting others before me. I spent a great deal of time, money and effort making it so that I could do this for myself.

Speaking of asking. Have you had the discussion of him tagging along? It sounds like you will be returning to the area. He could try it out and not have to change his life to do so. I any event I think you should set a level of comfort before your lease is up. By then you should know what his intentions are.

Yes to returning to the area so long as my son lives here. I have to be a continuing part of he and my grandson's life. 

And yes, we've talked about whether he would be interested in such a lifestyle. He's curious. Up until this week he worked almost solely from home as a graphic artist. But now that husband daughter is in college, he's taken on a full-time in house position so that he has guaranteed income.  If his interest is there enough, I might be able to convince him to take a short trip as a try as long as it is to some destination he'd be excited to cycle. LOL But I don't have a rig yet and won't be in a position to get one until April. But maybe if things are going well next spring we can give it a shot. Bottom line though, he will remain here for the next 4 years. 

I know this man well. If I said "this will be my home base but I want to go on monthly trips every 4 months" he would completely support that and be waiting for me when I get back.
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#7
It sounds like you already have your answer. You will stay and make small trips to feed your nomadic side. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you really need to be on the road full time to be happy? I say as long as you can afford to do both, do it. If you do have to make a choice then do what your heart is asking you to do. I find being on the road lonesome - I'm not sure I could bare doing it if I had unrealized romantic issues lingering over my head. The temptation to run back would be overwhelming distracting.
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WanderingScribe (10-08-2017)
#8
Buy a Class C and tow his car behind it. You both travel together in the RV, pulling the toad. Comforts of home, already built in. 

He travels with you, adventures await, then if the mood strikes, or things don't work out, he can unhook the car, and head for home. Best of both worlds!

Later on, he could rejoin you again and travel as a couple if you both want that.

Logistically speaking, this might work. Financially, well, only YOU know that answer.
Never trust a camp cook with lots of shiny new pans...
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Zardor (10-04-2017)
#9
(10-04-2017, 03:27 PM)tx2sturgis Wrote: Buy a Class C and tow his car behind it. You both travel together in the RV, pulling the toad. Comforts of home, already built in. 

He travels with you, adventures await, then if the mood strikes, or things don't work out, he can unhook the car, and head for home. Best of both worlds!

Later on, he could rejoin you again and travel as a couple if you both want that.

Logistically speaking, this might work. Financially, well, only YOU know that answer.

Unfortunately, even if he were interested (and I don't think this would ever be his thing - he admires me for wanting to do it but I can tell he has zero interest), he can't leave the area.  He has to stay in MD to maintain residency so that his daughter can get in-state tuition.  I suppose there are ways around that but I don't think he can earn enough on the road to handle the tuition.  He went from entrepreneurial to full-time corporate job just this week for that reason.  And honestly I don't see him leaving the area while his daughter is still here. 

So him traveling with me?  Highly unlikely for so many reasons.
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#10
(10-04-2017, 01:58 PM)Zardor Wrote: It sounds like you already have your answer. You will stay and make small trips to feed your nomadic side. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you really need to be on the road full time to be happy? I say as long as you can afford to do both, do it. If you do have to make a choice then do what your heart is asking you to do. I find being on the road lonesome - I'm not sure I could bare doing it if I had unrealized romantic issues lingering over my head. The temptation to run back would be overwhelming distracting.

Here's the deal:  if I stay in this area and want to do any travel, I have to keep working full-time.  I very very much don't want to do that anymore.  It's killing my soul.  I'm tired.  I've been a single parent since my youngest was less than a year old and I've been working and going to school for all these years.  I've had enough.  Time to do something I enjoy.  

The only way I could stay here is to semi-retire by taking SS and working part-time.  That would bring in enough for me to have a small apartment and pay my expenses.  It would not give me enough to travel. 

This is how I came to find the concept of being a nomad in the first place.  I must have googled something about being able to travel on SS and came up with CRVL.  I can two different types of life-styles:  I can be a nomad and travel the US, Canada and Mexico.  Or I can move to a less expensive place and maybe take a few short trips.  If I do move, I would likely settle in the Carson Valley area where my sister lives and is a day's drive from my oldest son.  A lot to do in that area for a day or weekend or week long trip and it's MUCH more affordable than the DC area. 

I do not see this guy ever wanting to be a nomad or living in the western US.  Most likely he will either stay and work for the next 12 years (he's 10 years younger than I am) or he will move back home to Trinidad when his daughter graduates college.  Not sure I would want to move to Trinidad.
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