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Relationships with non-nomads
#11
Hi Mothercoder, not gonna tell you anything you don't already know, just a reminder\refresher. Make yourself happy\content. I go for being content, but most times its the same thing as happy. If I'm content, I'm happy. On your death bed(not going for depressing, just reality), its just gonna be you. Do what you can to make that transition as regretless(is that a word?) as possible. You take care of you and let others take care of themselves. So...love yourself enough to trust yourself and love others enough to trust them to take care of themselves. I guess what I am saying is, get your ass to where you want and keep the angst to a minimum! 8-) So...see you on the road? Be brave and take care!
96 Dodge Ram Van 3500 360 5.9L
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#12
Ask your friend if he would be ok with a part time partner. Travel part time and stay with him part time. Ask if he would be ok with you living with him when you are not traveling. Maybe do a 3 month on/off traveling schedule. Doesn't hurt to ask. I am in an almost identical situation myself, and no I haven't resolved it yet. I personally know that I will travel, if my partner wants to come along, great, if not I will just see them when I am not traveling, as either a gf or just a friend. I intend on 9 months a year traveling.
[Image: attachment.php?aid=16152]My Freedom-24' 4,000lb 1993 Lance 5th wheel w/1235 Watt Solar/LiFePo & 2003 4x4 Chevy Duramax

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#13
(10-05-2017, 02:42 PM)Wabbit Wrote: Hi Mothercoder, not gonna tell you anything you don't already know, just a reminder\refresher. Make yourself happy\content. I go for being content, but most times its the same thing as happy. If I'm content, I'm happy. On your death bed(not going for depressing, just reality), its just gonna be you. Do what you can to make that transition as regretless(is that a word?) as possible. You take care of you and let others take care of themselves. So...love yourself enough to trust yourself and love others enough to trust them to take care of themselves. I guess what I am saying is, get your ass to where you want and keep the angst to a minimum! 8-) So...see you on the road? Be brave and take care!

Very solid advice.  I will be honest and say that being a nomad hasn't been a lifelong dream but a bug that bit me when I started researching viable ways to have a happy retirement.  I have made many (most) decisions in the past based on my responsibilities to others - mostly my sons.  I ended up moving to Maryland in the early 90's because this is where their father lived and I felt they needed to be close to their dad.  How he handled it (he basically fucked it up and now the oldest won't talk to him or see him) was up to him.  But I made the decision to be here even when I would rather have been out west.  I am finally at a point in my life where the only person I'm responsible for is myself. 

Yes, the bf is responsible for his own happiness.  I don't know what that looks like for him.  We have to have that discussion but it has to be done face-to-face.  I know he's always been a one day at a time kind of guy because that's what he needed to function.  I don't know if he's looking ahead to the future more than he has in the past.  I am getting that impression from him but I'm not pushing the question until we can sit and talk about it. 

All I can say is I'm seeing a change in him and I want to find out what that means and how it will look.  In nearly 6 years we have never spent a weekend together.  In my mind, that's really one of the initial steps we need to make to see how things go.  Maybe we can't tolerate one another more than 12 hours at a time.  LOL  He has always acted as though a weekend together was a possibility but he never planned.  I've tried to plan in the past but something always "came up."  The change I see?  Last night he said he will plan a weekend for us in DC after he returns from a business trip toward the end of the month.  This is a big deal...if he follows through. 

So I've decided I'm at one day at time.  I'm trusting that he's doing the head work on what he wants and what compromises he can make while I'm doing the same over here.  Then we will talk and see how close we are.  If we are close, then I'm going to give it a shot and not bolt the minute that something isn't perfect.  Impatience is my middle name and I need to change that. 

Content and/or happy can be achieved many ways for me.  Working less is important to me so I have to figure that out.  I get no joy from it.  I never found a career I loved.  It's always been a way to pay the bills.  And I have no interest in trying to embark on a new career at this point in my life.  I just want to do things that bring me joy.  I've started a new hobby that I want to spend more time on.  Don't care if it's a money-maker or not.  I would like to travel and see my family more often.  I'd be happy getting the cargo trailer and doing some short trips.  Let's see if I really love it or not.  But it all happens a day at a time right now without crossing any possibility off the list.
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Wabbit (10-06-2017)
#14
(10-06-2017, 02:01 AM)Itripper Wrote: Ask your friend if he would be ok with a part time partner. Travel part time and stay with him part time. Ask if he would be ok with you living with him when you are not traveling. Maybe do a 3 month on/off traveling schedule. Doesn't hurt to ask. I am in an almost identical situation myself, and no I haven't resolved it yet.  I personally know that I will travel, if my partner wants to come along, great, if not I will just see them when I am not traveling, as either a gf or just a friend. I intend on 9 months a year traveling.

Personally I am not ready to live with him.  But I do want to know if he would be open to that in the future.  That would be one of my questions for him.  If he thinks that he could do that, it would be something for the future.  Realistically even if we were both ready, that wouldn't happen now because we are each on a lease.  It would make things easier for me financially but even if it's not a possibility in the next 1-2 years, that's not a deal breaker for me.  If I can afford it, keeping separate residences is okay with me.  Don't want to freak him out too much.  LOL  Baby steps. 

As to the traveling, I feel 100% confident he would be okay with me traveling part time.  He might actually prefer it because that would give him plenty of time on his own.  We are both very protective of our alone time.  I cherish being able to do what I want when I want and I know he feels the same.  I would just have to figure out how the finances would shake out staying in this area.  Even a studio basement apartment would cost me $800-1000 per month.  My SS alone would not be enough for all my expense so I would have to supplement with part-time work.  Would I be able to find a job where I could leave for a month at a time?  I don't know.  I suppose there's always temp jobs but not sure how many of those exist for someone my age.  If I could find temp work I would probably be limited to working 2 weeks per month so I don't get my SS taken away.  That would give me sufficient income to pay my expenses and have some left for traveling when I want to.  And honestly, the job I'm doing now could be reduced to PT and I'd still be able to get everything done.  I'm just not sure they would agree to it and I'm not sure how time off would work.  I want more than 3 weeks of vacation per year. 

Sorry...typing out loud as it were.  So yes, he'd be amenable to me traveling.  Don't know if he'd be amenable to living together and that's not a deal breaker for me if I'm able to afford a place on my own doing what I want to do.  The future can have many different looks.
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#15
Instead of planning on renting an apartment/room/whatever or even considering living with someone that you haven't ever even spent a weekend with in the past 6 years, maybe consider finding an RV/campsite near to where he lives that you could rent on a monthly basis while you're in his neighborhood.

It would give you the low cost of living that you need to maintain your freedom at the same time as giving you (and him) the autonomy of separate living quarters.
Worry is a misuse of imagination!
 
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Full-timer again as of November 24, 2015 - 14 glorious years on the road before that!



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#16
Good in theory but this is the D.C. Metro area. The RV/campsites within comfortable driving distance are around $75/night and some aren't open in the winter.  I once researched the potential of getting my rig before retirement to try and save money and none of the places I contacted offer a reduced monthly rate. So getting a studio as a home base would be far less expensive in this area.
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#17
What do you consider a comfortable driving distance? Seems like I remember people on one of the podcasts I listen to talking about rearranging their travel plans to take advantage of the reduced monthly rates available when they wanted to originally visit D.C.; I think the campgrounds they talked about were about 60 -90 minutes from the city but still had access from the cg to the metro system. If that's within your comfort zone, I can try to go back and figure out which podcast/episodes I am thinking of ....
"Having the gumption to live different and the sense to let everybody else live different.  That's the hardest thing, hands down." --- Alice Venable Middleton
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#18
Since I wouldn't have any business in the Metro area other than meeting up with my SO, then 60-90 minutes would be fine.  Right now he lives in Baltimore but he just started a new job in Arlington so he will be moving further south but staying in Maryland.  So yes, if you can recall what the podcast was, I'd like to check it out.  Regardless of what happens with him, my youngest son will be staying in the area at least until he finishes his Master's degree so we are talking another 3 years.  And I'll want to come back and visit he and my grandson.
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#19
You need to spend a LONG weekend with this guy and see how it goes.  Spend it somewhere where the two of you can't get away from each other.  I'll bet money your mind will be made up before the weekend is up, and when you do it let me know and I'll write my answer on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope and send it to you so you can open it when the weekend is over.
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#20
Vermont B&B, long drive up and back will be the real test 8-)
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