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Relationships with non-nomads
#21
(10-04-2017, 01:58 PM)Zardor Wrote: It sounds like you already have your answer. You will stay and make small trips to feed your nomadic side. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you really need to be on the road full time to be happy? I say as long as you can afford to do both, do it. If you do have to make a choice then do what your heart is asking you to do. I find being on the road lonesome - I'm not sure I could bare doing it if I had unrealized romantic issues lingering over my head. The temptation to run back would be overwhelming distracting.

This. I wish this solution had been possible for me. I turned 40 this year and have been in my van 6 months now. I wanted to do this badly and had been researching it for several months. I told my boyfriend who I'd been living with for the past two years that I wanted to buy a van and travel say a week out of every month or maybe be gone several weeks but then return home for two or three months before another solo trip. He say no way. I could live in a van full-time or stay with him, there was no in between.  

Part of this is my fault. I was already at the point where I had saved enough money for a van when I told him, so he felt ambushed, rightfully so. I didn't tell him about it along the way because I knew he would have no interest in it for himself and would see it as a threat to our relationship. And I didn't want to be ousted before I was sure, honestly.

He had some idea because I was planning to buy an RV to live in when we met five years ago. He actually told me recently that was the thing that attracted him to me, the thing that made me interesting. It wasn't something he wanted to do, though. He travels some for his job, working out of town for a week every so often, and dislikes it very much. I would mention places we could travel together all the time, but we never went on any overnight trips during our relationship - except for two local, one-night camping trips. 

I deeply love him though and I was willing to enjoy a whole different kind of life with him, one that would fit into the way he saw his future unfolding. Building a house on a farm that was already in his family. But we weren't making any progress toward that either. At least I didn't see any. He would seem like he wanted to do it but then would come back to reasons why it wouldn't work.

If I'm going to be a serious relationship with someone, I need us to be creating some kind of life together, not just watching TV every night and drinking beer all weekend.   

I know I made the right decision when I chose the van, but it's been very painful. I have stopped initiating any contact, but he stays in pretty consistent contact with me. We talk about how much we miss each other but come to no solution for correcting that. He did say "just come back" once and I agreed but reminded him that I would have to travel some. His response was that he wasn't sure what he wanted. 

Bottom line, it's a huge distraction, and every time things get hard emotionally or physically, I want to just run back. But usually within a few hours I've realized that it would never work for all the reasons it wasn't working before. This process takes up too much of my valuable time though. I hope you, mothercoder, don't end up with this much angst. Still, I think the angst I'm experiencing now is less than the angst I would be experiencing if I had just stayed and denied myself this thing I knew I desperately wanted and needed. 

Talking about things with your SO and taking everything one day at a time seem like good approaches.
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#22
(10-08-2017, 04:04 PM)WanderingScribe Wrote: ... Still, I think the angst I'm experiencing now is less than the angst I would be experiencing if I had just stayed and denied myself this thing I knew I desperately wanted and needed...

Hi WanderingScribe, I hope that things even out for you soon. That's a tough situation to be in. Just wanted to let you know that you're very brave and you deserve a big hug. Stay strong and be true to you. Take care.
96 Dodge Ram Van 3500 360 5.9L
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#23
(10-07-2017, 01:05 PM)closeanuf Wrote: You need to spend a LONG weekend with this guy and see how it goes.  Spend it somewhere where the two of you can't get away from each other.  I'll bet money your mind will be made up before the weekend is up, and when you do it let me know and I'll write my answer on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope and send it to you so you can open it when the weekend is over.

LOL  That's a deal.  Of course, that's if the weekend happens.  He's not known for follow-through.  If the weekend doesn't happen, then I have my answer as well.  Actions speak.
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#24
(10-07-2017, 04:57 PM)John61CT Wrote: Vermont B&B, long drive up and back will be the real test 8-)

LOLOL  I can't even get the guy out of the metro area!  His idea of a romantic weekend:  hotel in DC.  I really do not like going into DC.  BUT...he's planning and he's paying so I'm not going to rock the boat.  In 6 years this is a first.  Now I will quietly wait for follow through.
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#25
(10-08-2017, 04:04 PM)WanderingScribe Wrote: If I'm going to be a serious relationship with someone, I need us to be creating some kind of life together, not just watching TV every night and drinking beer all weekend.   

Talking about things with your SO and taking everything one day at a time seem like good approaches.

I really hear you on this.  I think we are pretty far apart in what we want but I'm really not sure because he's a one day at a time kind of guy.  Maybe that's changing since he no longer needs to tend to his daughter full-time.  He said he's been pondering his future but didn't say what that meant.  Considering he just started a new job and is tied to the area for 4 years until his daughter graduates so she can get in-state tuition, he will be working full-time.  And me?  I'm done with working.  That's what happens when there's 10 years difference in ages.  Does that mean we can't make it work?  I don't know.  I really, really do not love this area.  But I do have a son here and a grandchild due in a couple of months so there are compelling reasons to stay.  But I don't see myself doing anything more than working part-time after June of next year. 

I think the first thing we need to do is sit down and talk about our expectations of one another and of life.  It could be we are very far off from what each of us wants and my expectations may be unrealistic -- at least for him. 

Honestly, I have even been considering not traveling and moving to NV near my sister.  I'd rent for a little while and then possible look for a plot of land and put a small house or yurt on it.  Could I see this man EVER moving to NV much less living in a yurt?  Never.  LOL
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#26
(10-08-2017, 05:55 PM)Wabbit Wrote: Hi WanderingScribe, I hope that things even out for you soon. That's a tough situation to be in. Just wanted to let you know that you're very brave and you deserve a big hug. Stay strong and be true to you. Take care.

Agreed.  It is very difficult to leave someone you care about in order to fulfill other needs you have.
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#27
This has been an interesting and insightful discussion for me. I am single and I love to travel...I have left someone before because settling down just wasn't what I wanted and he was a cop, so it was not in him to just up and leave. Things worked out for the best back then (he somehow ended up in a cult) but now being on the road I find myself getting lonely also...I want to share this life WITH someone. Humans weren't meant to be alone all the time, not even those of us who are the most introverted.
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#28
(10-09-2017, 01:26 PM)DuneElliot Wrote: This has been an interesting and insightful discussion for me. I am single and I love to travel...I have left someone before because settling down just wasn't what I wanted and he was a cop, so it was not in him to just up and leave. Things worked out for the best back then (he somehow ended up in a cult) but now being on the road I find myself getting lonely also...I want to share this life WITH someone. Humans weren't meant to be alone all the time, not even those of us who are the most introverted.

I've been single for 25 years so I am really completely unsure about the idea of marriage or possible even living together.  What I'm not unsure about is wanting to share life with someone.  And if nothing else, that's what this relationship has taught me.  I was alone for many years before getting into a serious relationship and I wasn't sure I wanted that at all.  After a really awful marriage to a truly terrible guy, I often wondered if I had any idea how a good relationship works.  I'm still not sure because this has certainly been an unconventional relationship with more ups/downs and twists/turns than the Intimidator 305 roller coaster.  But what it did show me is that I really enjoy sharing experiences with someone I am close to.  I do like waking  up next to someone and planning what happens next.  Unfortunately I met someone for whom "future" was a foreign word. 

I have a lot of living left to do and feel like I missed out a lot being a single parent and putting a lot of my interests on hold (btw, don't do that).  And I would really like to enjoy it with someone.  But he'd have to be pretty damn special.  This guy is special but he's also a challenge and I'm getting a little tired of trying to deal with the challenges.
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#29
My personal biased uninformed opinion Smile
Just do what makes you happy and you will naturally run into like minded people on the road.
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#30
I've come to the realization that finding who and what i'm looking for is the proverbial needle in the haystack, i'm 37 and have been in several long term relationships, all with good people I have no ill will towards, but i've always refused to settle for "good enough" If both people have to constantly compromise I get to the point where I feel like it wasn't meant to be. I just keep the faith that eventually, I'll meet the right person and huge compromises and/or lifestyle changes from one, the other, or both won't be necessary to make it work because we both want the same things. So, i'll keep searching until that happens and maybe it never will, but I'll keep trying.
I think life is more fun when sharing things, just have to be sharing them with the right person. I think the best way of meeting the right person is by going out and doing what you love to do, hopefully your paths cross at the right time with another doing the same things you enjoy. So if you're nomadic and love to travel, be nomadic and travel, and hopefully you'll bump into another you're attracted to and vice versa doing the same
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
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