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Van life or my marriage
#1
Heart 
Like I wrote in my intro, I’m seeing many aspects of my past - influences, experiences,  personality quirks - that seem to be leading me toward van life. I have the skills and confidence and even a job I could work from anywhere with an internet connection. I’m currently tied down in a house, but with local housing prices skyrocketing I could sell the place and most of my stuff to get a decent nest egg to buy and build my new home on wheels. And a big part of me wants to do that.

It’s not the stuff that’s holding me back. It’s my marriage. My wife has no interest in van life. Maybe, one day, using one for brief overnights near home. She’s raising two kids from her previous marriage. She also has a vast array of birds of various types, cats, hedgehogs, and a dog, and van life simply won’t work for her, all of them, them, or us. She’s an amazing woman who has been a hugely positive influence on my life. It’s also because of her that I find myself tied down, unable to get away for even an overnight on my motorcycle anymore. We work our asses off but never have enough money.

It’s an either/or choice, and no matter what I decide I’m giving up a lot - either the dream, or what she and I already have. There’s no question in my mind that if she was no longer in my life I’d be in a van as quick as I could and out traveling and loving it. But I’m also committed to her, and I don’t know how to proceed.
- Justin
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#2
"Look for the answer inside the question" Rumi

You already know the answer. :-)

"There’s no question in my mind that if she was no longer in my life I’d be in a van as quick as I could and out traveling and loving it."
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#3
You love your wife. Keeping working toward your dream. When the time is right, you'll know the answer.
I'd like to give myself a few negative ratings, because I am such a big meanie. The forum won't allow it. Feel free!

Cyndi (made it across the cattle guard)
http://rvlyeverafter.blogspot.com/

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
~ Adam Savage
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#4
I hope you can see least talk to your wife. It sucks being ambushed by a partner's decision to leave. I was the one left behind in my situation. And by the time I managed to overcome my fears and commit to going with him, it was too late. Now he is divorcing me. It sounds like your decision is really already made. I pray you will be honest and open with the one you love. I pray you won't just stifle your feelings until your only choice is to walk away leaving her behind a wall of impenetrable silence. If you must go, go honorably.
Capricci
1. fancy, whimsy, caper
2. sudden start, motion, or change of direction
4. one old, blue minivan, destined for greatness
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#5
As I sit looking at the lights of Ehrenberg/ Blythe at 2:30am I am thinking about how lucky I am having someone who has the same basic wanderlust as me. It has taken years to find her

Don’t throw love away for a dream on the internet. Work on eliminating bills and cleaning out the excesses. Who knows. She might discover RV ing.
Trouble rather a tiger in his lair than a sage at his books. To you kingdoms and armies are mighty and enduring, to him they are toys of the moment, to be overturned with the flick of a finger. G Dickson.
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White+Nerdy (12-17-2017)
#6
Baggage, deciding what, where you want to be in life, always choices!

Ha! Buy a van, turn into a man cave, you don't have to move into it, just make it a work in progress, maybe get the wife to take a small trip in it with you. Don't live thinking you will change her, she is what/who she is, you love her, then love her for her. But, you certainly need to down size on all the pets, draw some lines on those, they are eating up all you are working for.

For me, yes, I live in a home with a wife, roots, we have some, grandchildren next door, days I feel like I'm chained, I just get on the bike and take an hour or two off and ride with no destination other than circling back to the love waiting for me at home.

My wife loves travel as much as I do, she just feels she needs roots under her. I love her, we been together since 1971, we may never make the actual move to van life, but we - I should say I, just bought another RV, makes about a dozen we've owned, SO, I just work toward a dream and she supports it as long as I have a dream, she knows I have life.

Keep your dream! Keep your love!
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#7
Keep in mind there are other alternatives besides van life... if you have a wife with kids, you could toss the idea of a travel trailer or 5th wheel.. since I've been stationary in Colorado Springs, I've met a few people that have done this with families.

You say, you feel that if she was no longer in your life you would live in the van and be happy, maybe you would, but there's also a chance that you could end up miserable without her. I say that because, the way you talk about her, it seems like you really love her and care for her, so yes, you would get to get on with your dream, but you would now be without a companion that you love, you're going to feel a bunch of loneliness that perhaps depending on your mindset, you could be mindful and not let your suffering control your life. I don't know, and no one could possibly know. Because its a thought about the future that hasn't happened and we can't predict. I would say be mindful of your feelings, its all about what is ultimately going to make you happy in life. Best of luck with your thoughts.
16ft Coachman Clipper is the home, and the E150 Pulls it. Live Free(er)
Instagram: ellocoburrito
https://wanderlovejosh.wordpress.com
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#8
So many people view "vandwelling" with stars in their eyes........ They think it's some wonderful storybook life full of unicorns and chocolate fountains and "freedom!!!" and "not a care in the world!!", and it will solve all their troubles and make them live happily ever after.

Life is not Instagram and YouTube. And if your real troubles lie between your ears, vandwelling will do nothing to solve them.

Living in "Ziggy the Snail Shell" since May 2015
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#9
Oh yes, Lenny hit it on the head and said what we all should have said to begin with.

Unless you have disposable income and don't have to worry about money at all.. then I would say perhaps its could be a dream world.

But not so much for most of us. While it can be great, and have plenty of positives, it isn't a life fixer, or instant key to happiness in all cases.
16ft Coachman Clipper is the home, and the E150 Pulls it. Live Free(er)
Instagram: ellocoburrito
https://wanderlovejosh.wordpress.com
https://www.flickr.com/gp/133236240@N04/UpzN26
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#10
(12-17-2017, 09:24 AM)WanderLoveJosh Wrote: Unless you have disposable income and don't have to worry about money at all.. then I would say perhaps its could be a dream world.

But not so much for most of us. While it can be great, and have plenty of positives, it isn't a life fixer, or instant key to happiness in all cases.

"Money" is a key. While it ain't the end-all and be-all of life, "having money" makes everything a thousand times easier and more comfortable: "not having money" means you just live like a homeless person.

I have seen sooooo many people who enthusiastically sell all they have, move into a van and ride off into the sunset--only to give it up a few months later when they find out that living in a space that is smaller than the average prison cell is not as glamorous as they thought it would be. The fact that they become "disillusioned" means that they were "illusioned" to begin with. So don't be "illusioned". It ain't a lifestyle for everyone.

Living in "Ziggy the Snail Shell" since May 2015
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