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New heartache
#1
Well, my husband divorcing me might kill my van dream, after all.

I'm never going to make it. I'm not even going to survive the first week. I'm so lost since I got the news. So confused. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't stop crying, thinking, crying, thinking. And the one person who could give me the closure I need to move on...

How can I move on without closure? Is closure a concept only women understand?
Capricci
1. fancy, whimsy, caper
2. sudden start, motion, or change of direction
4. one old, blue minivan, destined for greatness
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#2
This too shall pass.............
I understand how hard this situatiuon is. Closure is a process, it will take time.
Keep your head up and muscle through it, it won't be long and this will be much easier to deal with. Best wishes to you sister,

VMD
https://tinyurl.com/y74tm6pa

Proud YARC inductee
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#3
Life has just given you a challenge. Your emotions and feelings are taking negative control over you. Sadness, depression and rumination have seized you. You must be mentally strong and take back control of the situation, no matter what, for your emotional survival.

Adapt, improvise overcome. Go join the Marines. Or climb a mountain. Then you will see that what you think is hard now is nothing. It is only all in your own mind. Really.

What you must do.
1. Accept this new reality. Writing about your thoughts and feelings in a personal journey can be therapeutic. Write, read, write, reread.

2. Learn from this moving forward. What could you have done different or better, if at all? How will you do better next time? Were you the best person that you could have been in that relationship? Read and learn about relationships, coping, happiness, etc...
It is an opportunity to learn how to deal, cope, understand yourself, overcome your emotions and become stronger.

3. Look forward, always look forward. Appreciate the time, moments, experiences shared and lived. Thank God and be happy for what you had. There is more and maybe even better. Work at it and it will be.

4. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied. Do NOT allow yourself to dwell or ruminate on the past. Kick yourself in the butt when you find that you are and go do something to keep your mind off of it or any depressive thoughts. Jog a mile, write the next great novel, start a new hobby, listen to music that you enjoy, take a course, create art, spend time with your loved ones. Life isn't over and don't let negative thoughts take over your life.

5. When one door closes, another one opens. Go find, explore, create, explode through that door.

6. You have not lost anything. You are still alive. You now have freedom to make your own choices, to be spontaneous, impulsive, independent and make your own decisions. Life is a continuous, ongoing learning process, constantly changing and we must all evolve with it.

7. Fill your life, heart and mind with love, joy and happiness every single minute of every single day.
Live the moment. Cherish, savor life passionately.

8. That relationship was a stage in your life. All good things must come to an end. Now get onto the good parts of the next stage of your life.

9. You are not a relationship. You are you and it is your one and only life. You have your qualities, characteristics, choices, decisions, opportunities, etc... Go live your life and don't fall into the trap that it has to be in a relationship and that it will be happily ever after. Be so busy, happy with your life that a relationship won't be the end all be all.

10. Move forward, absolutely positively.
Minivanmotoman,  Absolutely Positively.
Crystal Blue Persuasion, music video
https://youtu.be/XDl8ZPm3GrU
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The following 4 users say Thank You to Minivanmotoman for this post:
bonnieE350van (01-18-2018), Gardenias (12-25-2017), Preach (12-22-2017), Capricci (12-18-2017)
#4
Beautifully written.
Capricci
1. fancy, whimsy, caper
2. sudden start, motion, or change of direction
4. one old, blue minivan, destined for greatness
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Minivanmotoman (12-18-2017)
#5
You are now free to do as you please with your life.
I couldn't become a van dweller until my last husband and I were divorced.
Because he wouldn't allow it. He thought I was nuts & needed medication.
I've been a van dweller since 2013...guess I showed him, eh! ;-)
All the best to you!
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The following 3 users say Thank You to judyg for this post:
frater secessus (12-25-2017), Capricci (12-18-2017), dawnann7 (12-18-2017)
#6
(12-18-2017, 12:22 PM)judyg Wrote: He thought I was nuts & needed medication.

We all do!

It's called 'Freedom' and it comes in many shapes and forms, but NEVER in a small pill bottle. 

Wink
Never trust a camp cook with lots of shiny new pans...
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Capricci (12-18-2017)
#7
Minivanmotoman has written some excellent ideas.  (Do you hear this coming?)

BUT...

When someone is hurting like this, it is almost impossible to start a new hobby, to think positive thoughts, to be thankful for what you have, to write a journal.  Maybe in a week or two, those would be doable.  But in the beginning, it's almost impossible to just get dressed or brush your teeth or do everyday chores.  Those things will come though.

Right now, just wait.  Wait one hour, then wait another hour and soon you have made it through one day.  The next day will come and you will feel a little bit better for a little while.  Wait another day.  The day after that will be a little bit better for a little bit longer.  And one day you will be forced to do something.  Shower. Grocery store. Something.  And little by little it will be a lot better.  But just wait.  Please wait!  Those who have been there know what I mean.

Allow yourself to feel awful right now, it's ok.  It's normal.  THEN you can begin work on a new life.
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The following 3 users say Thank You to Stargazer for this post:
bonnieE350van (01-18-2018), Capricci (12-18-2017), SondraRose (12-18-2017)
#8
Nothing happens overnight. Take time to feel all the pain in a healthy way. Not by going for a drink or disassociating by unhealthy methods. Go through it not around it as the body will hold onto unhurt not dealt with and future bad choices may arise. Just be gentle with yourself and not beat yourself up.
Exclamation And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. — Abraham Lincoln
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The following 3 users say Thank You to CautionToTheWind for this post:
Capricci (12-18-2017), Stargazer (12-18-2017), SondraRose (12-18-2017)
#9
One

Day

At

A

Time

And when that's too hard....

One

Moment

At

A

Time

Just say "no" (seriously, say it again and again) to all thoughts that are repetitive, self-deprecating, victimizing, etc....

In 2004, I kicked in just a few days debilitating Irritable Bowel Syndrome simply when I started interrupting my thinking by saying "I don't think that way anymore".

The quality of our lives starts with the quality of our thoughts. Love yourself by being as free as you can be and help others live that way too. The best of life is yet to come as we all move towards greater and greater freedom while finding fellow travellers to explore synergies with so that life can be a fun community experience.
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The following 2 users say Thank You to free2enjoy for this post:
Capricci (12-20-2017), Stargazer (12-20-2017)
#10
Absolutely not my wife left me for another man without explanation after being married for 20 years All she will say is I said something that hurt her feelings I have never been physically verbally or emotionally abusive to her I was only ever supported raise 7 kids with her and out of the blue she leaves me for another man so yes I understand when you say you need closure. I had a hard time moving forward because I never knew if it was a joke was she just pissed or did she really move in with another man it took me deciding that there are more women out there that are more compatible to my lifestyle and choice of living in the materialistic things she decided was more important then a mental and physical connection I had to choose my own closure and that was if I did not make her happy enough to stay I would never make her happy enough to come back it would be better to let go now and try to find my real connection in life and the person that fits my lifestyle I wanted to travel and see this beautiful country instead of sitting in a house or an office...

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk
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